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Is Sex Love?

Love is a much bigger reality than sex. Love is larger, deeper, wider, greater. Love is reaching out to others with admiration and well-wishing. Love gives, gives generously when it can do so.

Love is a mysterious reality in our world. Whereas various sciences can describe the origin and nature of sex, science cannot quantify, describe or interpret the reality of Love in our universe. For Christians, the ultimate meaning of life is expressed in the belief that God is Love.

Love comes from God.
Whoever practises love
is born of God and experiences God.
Whoever does not practise love
has no experience of God.
God is love. — 1 John 4:7-8

No one has ever seen God.
But if we love one another,
God shows that he lives in us.
Yes, it is his love that flourishes in us.
By this we know that God and we share the same life
because he gives us his own Spirit (of love). — 1 John 4:12-13

If you want to know more about this deeper dimension of love, I recommend that you read my article: We meet God in everyday loving.

Love between partners

What does it mean when someone says: “I love you” to a male or female partner?

It obviously should mean much more than just: “I want to have sex with you.” Yes, sex is an important tool for conveying our feelings to our partner, a precious tool for bonding and cementing a relationship. But a genuinely human “I love you” conveys much more than a wish ‘to make love’ – which, in English, has become synonymous with having sex.

When real love exists between two partners it includes:

  • admiration for the other person, his or her special qualities and charisms;
  • the will to make her/him grow, flourish and prosper;
  • readiness to open oneself in an exchange of true intimacy;
  • a commitment to share responsibilities, to carry burdens together, to join in the other’s joys and celebrations;
  • a common enjoyment of the gift of sex . . .

So what about the question: is sex love?

We may not simply equate sex and love. But within a general bond of mutual affection, intimacy, sharing and generous giving to each other, sex can be a beautiful tool.

John Wijngaards